Searching for Neverland Page 16

  “Excuse me?”

  “Take off your shirt, Josh,” I commanded in a low, even tone. And with his eyes never leaving mine, Josh lifted his t-shirt over his head and dropped it onto the floor by the couch.

  My gaze dropped to his defined chest and down to his rippling abs, and I felt a clenching in my stomach, as my breath started to become shallower. The man was cut. He worked out religiously, and it paid off. Damn.

  When I looked up at him, I noticed he was watching me carefully. “You can touch them,” he said, as he took my hand and placed it on his stomach.

  I ran my hand over his muscles, feeling a twinge between my legs at how hard they were. I moved my hand to his hip and sat up on my knees, as I pressed myself closer to him. And damn if I didn’t want to descend my mouth upon the little barbell in his left nipple and suck on it for a little while. Just for fun, of course, because I’d never been with a guy who had a body piercing.

  He leaned back against the couch and looked up at me, so I took the opportunity to drink him in. His light brown hair fell over his forehead, covering half of it and falling over his right eye. He had a small smile playing on his lips, and I found myself wanting to trace the line of his jaw. He closed his eyes but that smile didn’t leave his lips, and I reached out and ran my index finger over them.

  “J?” I asked, reaching out to push his hair back from his face. He kept his eyes closed.

  “Hmm?”

  “You’re very pretty.”

  His smile broke into a grin, but he didn’t open his clear blue eyes. “Oh yeah?”

  “Mmm-hmm. You’re very pretty. I never noticed it before.”

  I ran my fingers through his hair, playing with it.

  “Yeah? That’s not really the kind of thing you say to a guy. Can you at least tell me I’m hot and sexy?”

  “Yeah, I can tell you that,” I said, as I trailed my finger down his jawline.

  I let my finger slide gently over his nipple, and he inhaled a sharp, slow breath which made me wonder how it felt to him. Then I let my hand slide down to trace the words tattooed over his left rib. They read ‘Seize the Day’, and I could guess why he’d chosen that phrase, although I’d never asked him about it, even though I’d seen that tattoo hundreds of times.

  He looked down at my hand. “I got that after Jer died. It pissed me off that his life was cut short, and I told myself I was going to live ever day to its fullest. And each time I look in the mirror, I have a reminder of that.”

  “That’s why you quit your job, isn’t it.”

  He nodded. “That’s exactly why.”

  “Do you feel like you’re living every day to its fullest now, Josh?” I asked, as I let my fingers dance with a feather light touch over his stomach, and his muscles tightened involuntarily. I smiled as I gazed down at what I was doing to him, and he wasn’t pushing me away.

  “Sometimes I do, and sometimes there are things that I don’t capitalize on in the moment.”

  “Why not?”

  “Fear.”

  “Fear of what?” I asked, looking back up at him through my lashes.

  “Failure, rejection, pain.”

  “None of those sound like fun,” I said, as I laid my palm flat over his taught stomach.

  He lifted his head and looked at me with such intensity that I didn’t know what to make of it. “I wouldn’t reason to believe that they are.”

  In an ordinary, non-alcoholic state, the look would have made me back away. It would have been a warning sign. But not that night. That night I found myself paralyzed as I stared back at him, trying desperately to both read his mind and sort out the rush of feelings that were flooding me as I looked into his eyes and listened to his words. My heart was suddenly racing, and I knew what I wanted more than anything.

  “But sometimes, if you take a risk, the reward is greater than you ever imagined,” I reasoned.

  “This is true.”

  “So, I was thinking,” I said, watching him closely, as I ran both hands up to his chest and laid them flat over his pecs.

  “Yeah?” he asked, looking down at my hands before coming back to my eyes.

  “I was thinking that I might want to seize the day – you know, take your advice, since I don’t think you are.”

  He cocked his head to the side, and I smiled before I moved my right hand and lowered my lips to his pierced nipple, licking rhythmically over the small barbell before sucking it into my mouth. Josh went rigid under me and hissed out through his teeth. I let his nipple go, smiled against his skin, and then swirled my tongue around it once more. Then I sat up slowly and saw him gazing at me with hooded eyes.

  “I think I want to kiss you again,” I told him before he could say anything.

  “Didn’t you just do that?” he asked huskily.

  “I mean here,” I said, as I pressed my index finger to his lips.

  After a few beats, he opened his mouth and captured my finger, sucking on it and causing shots of pleasure and longing to flow throughout my body and pool between my thighs. I pressed down against him to gain some friction and was met with a hardness that only succeeded in exiting me further.

  Then Josh released my finger and shifted his hips slightly, so I was angled toward him and his hands moved to my waist. My blood rushed through my body, warming me and urging me to finish what I’d started.

  “You see,” I said, slightly breathless as I tried to maintain my composure, “the last time we kissed, you were drunk, and I was sober. I’m not sure I gave you a fair shot at rating the quality of that kiss because of your intoxication. Now that were both drunk, I can rate it better.”

  This seemed perfectly logical in my intoxicated mind, but at that point, I was pretty sure I was equally drunk on alcohol as I was on Josh.

  “So this is merely a scientific experiment?” he asked, a small smile playing on his lips, as his hand pressed my hips, pushing me down against his erection.

  I leaned in closer, dragging my hand along his stomach slowly and settling it on the place where his jeans met his tanned skin. “That’s one way of looking at it.”

  I moved in slowly, keeping my gaze locked with his the whole time, knowing that I was going to give into my instincts and the uncontrollable draw I had felt toward him since we went out the week before. It was that same feeling that was overcoming me with such an intensity that I knew if I didn’t do something about it, I might combust. And quite frankly, if I was going to combust, I wanted him to light the fire.

  “Do your worst,” he whispered. His arm snaked around my back, and pulled me closer to him, so we were mere inches from each other’s lips.

  “Carpe Diem,” I told him.

  Then very slowly, I closed the gap between us. My eyes moved to his lips and then back to his eyes once. I licked my lower lip and bit it slightly. Josh was watching me intently, his arm holding me tight. When I got within an inch of his lips, I closed the distance in seconds, crushing my lips to his, diving in without fear.

  And he kissed me back with such fire and intensity, it nearly made me gasp. His lips moved methodically against mine, melding us together, and he pulled my body flush against his, the heat between us swirling around our bodies. When his tongue probed my lips, seeking entry, I parted my lips and gave in as he deepened the kiss and drove me deeper into need and want.

  And I would never doubt his kissing abilities again.

  Then, before I knew what was happening, he leaned forward and in one swift movement, I was on my back, and he was on top of me. I wrapped my arms around him, holding him close to me, my nails raking his bare back, as he pushed his body down onto mine.

  He finally broke the kiss and moved his lips to my neck, kissing and sucking and making me moan. I inadvertently wrapped my legs around his waist, feeling the hardness between his legs. The room was spinning as he kissed a trail down to my chest, but I didn’t know if it was from the alcohol or the guy. Everything was a little fuzzy, and Josh was making it worse as his lips met my co
llarbone, and his hands slid up my stomach to cup my breasts. Knowing I wanted more than his hands on me, I leaned up and tugged my t-shirt off over my head.

  “What are we doing?” he asked, as his lips closed around my nipple and he started sucking, and I knew it was a half-hearted attempt to question what was happening between us. I let my head fall back and squeezed him tighter around the waist with my legs. Fire spread throughout my entire body from the spot where his mouth was anchored. “Is this what you want?”

  His teeth bit down on my flesh, and I couldn’t help but cry out.

  “Yes. No. I don’t know,” I said. My alcohol and sex soaked brain was very confused. “Don’t stop.”

  “I don’t want to stop,” he confirmed.

  When he moved his mouth to my other nipple and trailed his hand up my side, I let out a long gasp, followed by a low moan.

  “Oh, my God,” I murmured, as my hands ran roughly through his hair, anchoring him to me. “Josh, what are you doing?”

  “The same thing you did to me. Payback’s a bitch.”

  “Payback’s fantastic,” I moaned, as I reached between us for the bulge in his jeans, cupping it and rubbing my hand back and forth methodically.

  “Christ, Taylor,” he hissed against my skin, which only made me press harder against him. His mouth stopped sucking and started kissing its way back north.

  “I want to go upstairs,” I told him, as he alternating sucking and kissing my neck.

  “Seriously?” he asked, his eyes darting up to meet mine as if trying to read whether I was joking.

  I met his gaze. “You cannot bring me this close to the brink and not let me let go,” I said, shaking my head, knowing I was going to be super-pissed if he pulled back in that moment, and I had to have a private party with my vibrator. “And this couch is way too constricting for what I want to do with you.”

  “Who the hell are you?” he asked, gazing up at me in wonder.

  I smiled. “Come upstairs and find out,” I teased, and in one fluid motion, we got up from the couch and ran up the stairs together.

  We stopped in Josh’s room since it was the closest, and as he unceremoniously yanked off his jeans, the bulge in his boxers became more pronounced.

  I reached out to grab the waistband, pulling it out and yanking him forward. “Come here,” I commanded, my tone gruff and demanding.

  Josh stepped toward me, as I let my hand drift down over the hardness.

  “I did this,” I said, as I moved my hand around methodically, stroking him rhythmically.

  “It’s not the first time,” he confessed.

  “Really?”

  That was an interesting and amusing thought.

  “Nope,” he said, not elaborating on when and how I’d made him hard, but I was definitely curious.

  I let my tongue dart out of my mouth and sweep along my upper lip, and I caught him watching it with hooded eyes.

  “Have you thought about doing this before?” I asked him.

  “Only for the past three years,” he confessed. Then he grinned. “I’m a guy, and you’re fucking hot, Taylor. There’s only so many times a guy can see you in your underwear before he starts to imagine what it would be like to peel those sexy panties off of you and . . .”

  “And?” I prompted, my stomach fluttering at the thought of what he was going say.

  “And do this,” he said, as his fingers slid under the edge of my panties and between my thighs.

  I inhaled a breath through my teeth, as his fingers sought out my most sensitive area and teased it mercilessly.

  “Is that all you wanted to do?” I asked, keeping up my end of the flirting, as he stroked me harder and faster.

  “Not in the least,” he said calmly, almost seductively, as his arm wrapped around my waist and squeezed me tight, holding me in place. “There are many, many things I’d like to do to you.”

  I liked that he was taking control. He’d seemed half-bewildered by what we’d been doing downstairs, but now he was in charge.

  “I’m intrigued,” I said breathlessly, as I fought to stay in control, but quite honestly, had his arm not been around me, I probably would have collapsed. He was driving me slowly insane with his methodical movements.

  I started to let my head fall back, but he captured my mouth with his before I could let go, and soon his tongue was writhing against mine, full of need and want, as he plunged a finger inside of me.

  “Oh my God, Josh,” I cried, my head falling back, as he rhythmically moved in and out of me while simultaneously sucking a spot at the base of my neck.

  Then he pulled out and moved his hand to my waist, and I was left unsatisfied and even more turned on than before, as he walked us back to the bed.

  “Are you done with me?” I asked breathlessly.

  He smiled. “I haven’t even gotten started.”

  I fell first, and he landed next to me, looking down at me in wonder, as if he never expected to see me beneath him like that. Which was probably a good assumption since I’d never really pictured myself in that position either, well, except for that one time the week before. But that had just been a fleeting fantasy. Or so I’d thought.

  Then Josh moved on top of me, and settled between my legs, and I knew exactly what would happen next. We still had a thin barrier of clothing between us, but were about to break through that barrier.

  As he leaned down to kiss me, I unceremoniously rolled us so I was on top and broke the kiss.

  “What’s the big idea?” he asked, as I sat up and pressed myself down onto his hardness. He sucked in a breath through his teeth, as I trailed my finger down his chest slowly and seductively.

  “I’m just having fun.”

  He smiled lazily. “I like your idea of fun,” he said, looking at me reverently. “You don’t know how many times I’ve thought about doing this with you.”

  I smiled, and he sighed.

  “Seriously, Tay. You get under my skin, and sometimes I don’t know what do to with it.”

  Oh crap, was he about to get mushy with me? I just wanted to have fun. Did he want more than that? Shit, that complicated things.

  “Is it true you don’t like blow jobs?” I asked, when my hand met his erection.

  I was trying to divert his attention, because I knew feelings would complicate the shit out of what we were doing. I needed to get his mind away from wherever it had gone.

  He raised his eyebrows. “Where did you hear that?” he questioned, and I was pleased I’d successfully distracted him.

  “Kimmy told me,” I said, as I danced my fingers over his hardness, teasing him, and then I watched his face fall.

  And I realized I’d just succeeded in reminding him that he had a girlfriend. Fucking genius, Taylor.

  I hated Kimmy, or rather, I really disliked her, but I wasn’t about to take advantage of the situation and make Josh out to be a cheating asshole. It wasn’t fair to him or her, especially since this would just be a hook-up and nothing more. Drunk or not, I wasn’t a home wrecker.

  As smoothly as I could, I slid off of Josh and sank down onto the bed.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked, as he looked over at me with concern and just a little bit of hurt in his eyes.

  “You have a girlfriend.”

  “Oh. No, Taylor. Come on. Don’t worry about Kimmy. We’re not, I mean, I’m not.” He shook his head. “I want to be here with you.”

  I covered my eyes with my hands. “I can’t do this,” I groaned, shaking my head and feeling like shit as the gravity of the situation resonated with me.

  “Oh,” Josh said, and I wasn’t exactly sure what was behind that ‘oh’, but I could guess, and I felt like a royal bitch for leading him on.

  “I’m sorry,” I said, and he shook his head and managed a small smile.

  “It’s fine. No worries.”

  But I knew it wasn’t fine. He was upset, and I didn’t think it was because I was about to leave him with a raging case of blue balls or because
he’d been cheating on his girlfriend. What mattered was that as I watched him carefully, and as different emotions crossed his face, I knew in that moment that Josh felt something for me much more than lust.

  He hadn’t been caught up in a moment and lost control. He’d wanted what was happening between us, and as fun as it would have been to sleep with him, I couldn’t go any further with him knowing he had feelings for me that I couldn’t reciprocate.

  “Okay, I’m going to go to bed,” I said, as I started to slide off of his bed, feeling lower than low. “I’m sorry.”

  His hand reached out and grabbed my wrist. I looked back at him and swallowed hard. Damn, he looked hot laying there half naked.

  “Tay,” he said, as if appealing to me, and I felt out-of-this-world guilty for causing the pained look on his face. “Don’t go.”

  I gave him a half smile. “I’m sorry,” I said again, shaking my head, as inside my heart was pounding and my stomach was churning. “It’s just, there’s Kimmy, and–”

  “It’s fine,” Josh said quickly. “Totally fine.”

  But I just didn’t believe him.

  Shit.

  Biggest mistake ever.

  Chapter 11

  I awoke late the next morning and immediately flashbacks of my indiscretion came rushing back. I opened my blurry eyes and felt the effects of what I’d done the night before, but those effects were coupled with the fact that I’d almost slept with Josh. Jesus fucking Christ. What the hell was wrong with me?

  I heard the sounds of him moving around in his room and knew he was probably headed to the gym, so I didn’t dare leave my room until I heard his bedroom door open and his footsteps fade down the hallway. Fortunately we were taking the day off from working on our bar plans since Josh knew I’d need a break after finals. Of course, he couldn’t have expected that I’d need a break from him. That was all one giant unpredictable mistake I hadn’t planned on making, and I was sure my advances had caught him equally by surprise.

  I cringed just remembering back to what I’d said, how I’d come on to him, and where our hands had been. Those memories were never going away.

  I took a deep breath, steeled myself, and picked up my phone.