Searching for Neverland Read online

  “You’re just lying to yourself,” she called after me, and I just chose to ignore her.

  * * *

  When I walked back downstairs a few minutes later, I could see Allison sitting at the table on our back porch drinking a beer while Josh cleaned the grill. I walked out to join them, grabbing a beer from the cooler by the door and settling into the chair next to her.

  “Nice scarf,” Josh said, smirking slightly.

  “Thank you,” I said, ignoring his mocking of my fashion sense.

  “You do know that it’s just under ninety degrees out here. Are you really cold?”

  “I’ll have you know that summer scarves are in this year,” I told him, even though it was probably way too warm to wear one that day.

  Josh raised his eyebrows. “Taylor, you are aware that we live in Florida. I’m not sure you even need a scarf in the winter, let alone in the summer. You look slightly ridiculous.”

  “Oh yeah,” I said, raising my eyebrows at him. “Bite me.”

  “Come over here, and I will,” he taunted back, and Allison elbowed me in the ribs.

  I ignored her and stared out into our big backyard, knowing exactly what she was thinking. I could faintly hear the sounds from the back patio of O’Donnell’s. There was a line of trees that separated our fenced in yard from the pub, but when Josh had musicians play outside or when there was a big crowd, you could hear it. I knew we’d all walk over there later. One of the biggest benefits of having a pub practically in our backyard was proximity. Well, that, and the fact that Allison and I got free drinks made it the best pub ever, even if it was sort of a dive.

  But that had been my uncle’s intention. He wanted O’Donnell’s to be a traditional, no frills, Irish pub. He hadn’t updated the place in ten years, and he didn’t attract a lot of new clientele, but he had his regulars that came to the pub each week, including me and my friends. We liked the simplicity of it, and there was always a big crowd on Friday and Saturday nights.

  “Okay, so who’s all coming tonight?” Allison asked then. “Are the Lost Boys making an appearance?”

  “I’d imagine so, that is if Sean can put his bong down long enough to be social,” I said, as I cracked open my beer.

  “He quit pot a year ago, and you know it,” Josh chimed in, defending one of his best friends. “Well, at least he mostly quit. He still smokes sometimes on the weekends.”

  I laughed and shook my head.

  Allison and I had started calling Josh’s friends, Cole and Sean, the Lost Boys a few years earlier when we realized they were both twenty-nine going on twelve. And although he wasn’t as bad, Josh sometimes got lumped into that description, as well. He’d grown up some in the past few years – at least more than his friends – but he still had his moments.

  Cole and Sean were actually really successful. They owned a commercial construction business together – Cole was the architect, and Sean handled the actual building – but Sean had been a pothead since college, and Cole had always been a bit of a dirtbag with the ladies and liked strip clubs more than he would ever admit. But he’d also started dating someone pretty seriously six months earlier, so maybe he was growing up. He was also ridiculously hot, and I loved staring at him, even though I couldn’t touch. But either way, they were both kind of fun to hang out with since they still acted like the frat boys I’d hung out with in college.

  “So, are they coming?” Allison prompted.

  “Yeah,” Josh said, taking a long swig of his beer.

  “Casey’s coming,” I chimed in.

  “What about Shannon?” I asked, referring to Cole’s girlfriend.

  Josh shook his head. “They broke up.”

  “Seriously?”

  I was shocked that this was the first I was hearing of the news that Cole was available. My thought process was that since he’d been serious with someone else, he’d probably do it again. Ergo, he might now be a prospect for me. Damn Josh for not sharing this key bit of information with me.

  “Yeah,” Allison said. Josh had obviously told her. “They broke up like a month ago. She cheated on him.”

  “Wow,” I said, feeling really bad for Cole, but feeling really good for myself.

  “Oh, don’t feel too bad for him” Josh said, reading my expression. “He was thinking about ending it anyway. I think the cheating part kind of gave him an excuse to break things off with her.”

  Okay, double good news. Not only was Cole available, but he was also not heartbroken about his girlfriend cheating on him.

  “And why, when I was going on and on about not being able to find anyone decent to date last night did you not mention Cole?” I demanded, crossing my arms in front of my chest and zeroing my gaze in on Josh.

  “Because you’re picky as hell, and I don’t need you blowing off my friend because he blows his nose too loud,” Josh said, and next to me Allison snorted a laugh.

  I glared at her and turned to him. “Does he really blow his nose loud?”

  “I’m not answering that,” Josh said stubbornly.

  “Why not?”

  “Because for the rest of the night, you’ll be wondering that exact thing, and it’ll bug the shit out of you.”

  “No it won’t,” I said, vowing not to try to find a way to see if Cole sounded like a foghorn when he used a tissue. “Can you set me up with him? Please?”

  Josh’s eyes narrowed. “He’s not right for you.”

  “Why not?”

  “Just trust me, okay,” he said, suddenly seeing irritated.

  “Okay,” Allison chimed in, giving me a look that I wasn’t sure how to read. “Are we missing anyone else?”

  “Is Kyle coming?” I asked her.

  She nodded. Kyle was Corey’s best friend, and a mistake I’d made our senior year of college. We’d hooked up one night while drunk, and I wasn’t sure Kyle would ever let me forget it, but it wasn’t one of my better moments. He was a nice enough guy, but he was pudgy and hairy and was starting to bald, and he had this high-pitched giggle laugh that wouldn’t let me take him seriously. Bottom line, he wasn’t my type, but he still hit on me shamelessly at any opportunity he could get.

  “What about Taryn?” Allison asked.

  “I invited her, but she’s not coming,” I said, taking a sip of my beer and leaning back in my chair. “She has plans with that guy she’s dating or hanging out with or sometimes screwing. I’m not quite sure what their deal is.”

  My sister, Taryn, had graduated from UNC at the end of May and had moved back to Tampa. She only lived about ten minutes away, but she spent most of her time dating/sleeping with a guy named Noah who she’d gone to college with, who was a little bit of a train wreck. I’d met him once, and aside from good looks, I wasn’t sure what she saw in him.

  “She didn’t want to bring him? I’m hurt,” Allison said in mock offense.

  “I told her she could, but I don’t think she wanted to subject him to the kind of scrutiny he’d no doubt get from all of us.”

  “This is true,” Josh said, and I wondered if he was prepared for how we’d lay into him about Kimmy if she wasn’t someone we approved of, which apparently she wasn’t.

  “So, anyone else?” Allison asked, before I could ponder my question any longer. “What about Bryce and Sarah?”

  Josh turned back to us. “I’m not sure if they’re going to make it,” he said, sighing, and it was a more dramatic sigh than his friend missing a barbecue should have garnered.

  Bryce had been a Lost Boy at one point, but then he’d met Sarah, and everything had changed. Josh didn’t see him as much anymore, and I knew it bummed him out, especially since Bryce and Sarah had gotten married earlier in the year.

  “Why not?” I questioned.

  “Sarah is apparently pregnant,” Josh announced. “And she’s feeling sick and tired all the time.”

  “What?” I asked, shocked to hear this news.

  Josh nodded, and it explained why he was more bummed than usual about hi
s friend.

  “But we just went to their wedding in March,” I said, not unable to hide the appalled tone in my voice.

  “Sarah really wanted kids,” Allison chimed in, almost defending Sarah since she knew Josh and I both thought she was nuts.

  It made me wonder how long she and Corey would wait to get pregnant.

  “Another one bites the dust,” I murmured, and Josh raised his beer to me.

  “Hey,” Allison grumbled, and we both turned to her. “Not everyone is holding onto their childless lives as rigidly as you two. Some people want a family.”

  “And some people want to stay out late, get drunk and sleep in,” Josh countered.

  “And have great sex,” I added. “I’ll bet people with kids don’t have great sex.”

  “No, they have silent quickies so the kids won’t hear,” Josh chuckled.

  Allison just glared at both of us, as she got up to answer the door. “You two are not normal.”

  “Thank you,” Josh and I called back to her, and then he grinned at me. “If that’s normal, she can have it.”

  “Amen to that,” I said, raising my beer so he could clink it against his.

  I watched Kyle and Corey walk through the house behind Allison.

  “Hey guys,” I said, leaning back in my chair as they all came outside. I stood up to hug Corey and noticed the grin on his face. “It’s about time you got up the nerve to propose.”

  “I was afraid she’d say no,” he said, and Allison just shook her head as she looked at him adoringly.

  “Hey Corey, what are your thoughts on kids?” Josh called out to him as he tossed him a beer.

  Corey caught it and looked over at Allison. “Can’t wait to have them.”

  Josh shivered, and I sighed. All around me my friends were growing up, and I was just stagnant. At least Josh was right there with me.

  “Josh, man, you’re great with the kids when you come out to help us coach,” Corey said. “And they love you.”

  “Yeah,” Josh said, pointing at him with the spatula he was wielding, “but that’s because they’re other people’s kids. I like kids. I just don’t want any of my own. I used to hang out with Jeremy’s kids all the time, but I also know what a full-time job being a parent is, and I’m perfectly content with the way my life is right now.”

  “So you’ll babysit your little niece or nephew, right?” Allison asked, as she went to stand beside him.

  Josh grinned. “Yeah, I will – as long as I can give him or her back to you when it needs to be changed.”

  “Can I sign up for that too?” Corey asked.

  Allison laughed and shook her head at her fiancé. “Not a chance.”

  “Damn, man,” Kyle piped in. “Don’t have kids too soon. If you do that, who will I go out drinking with?”

  “Taylor,” Allison said, winking at me.

  “Nice,” Kyle said, giving me a knowing look.

  “Pig,” I said to him, turning away in mock disgust, as Allison reached over and squeezed Corey against her side and looked up at him adoringly.

  I couldn’t help smiling at them. It was really very sweet that they were all happy and in love with each other. I looked over at Josh. He was smiling at his sister and his future brother-in-law. When he caught me looking at him, he turned to smile at me, and I knew what was behind that smile, and in that moment, I was so grateful to have him in my life.

  “All joking aside, congratulations, man. Welcome to the family,” Josh said, as he walked over to hug Corey.

  “Where are his cute baseball friends?” I whispered to Allison who sat back down beside me.

  “They couldn’t come, but they’re meeting us later at O’Donnell’s.”

  Then Josh turned to me, interrupting our conversation. “Swift, help me with the burgers, will you?”

  “Sure,” I said, heaving myself out of my seat.

  “You okay?” he asked quietly, as we ventured into the house.

  I nodded. “I’m fine. They look so happy.”

  I looked back at Allison, who had perched herself on Corey’s lap. She was talking to him and smiling.

  “They are,” Josh said, and he looked as if he wanted to say something more, but he held back. “Here take these. I’ll meet you back outside.”

  He handed me the plate of cheese and buns and turned away from me as he shook something onto the burgers. I watched how tense his shoulders were and wondered if he was okay. I was about to ask when the doorbell rang.

  “That’s probably Kimmy,” he said quickly. “I’ll get it.”

  He rushed past me, and I took that as my cue to head back to the porch. A few minutes later, Josh came back outside with the plate of burgers and a pretty, very petite blond. She was tentatively holding his free hand and hanging back as he introduced her to everyone.

  She seemed nice, and I wasn’t sure what Allison’s problem with her was. When she took the seat closest to where Josh was loading the burgers onto the grill, I reached into the cooler to hand her a beer, but she politely waved me off.

  “I don’t drink beer,” she said, in a voice that would have been more fitting on an eight year-old, with just a hint of disdain behind her words. But the expression on her face made it seem liked I’d offered her arsenic.

  I gave her what I can only imagine was a funny look in return. All I could think was, who doesn’t drink beer? Actually, who dates Josh and doesn’t drink beer? That was the bigger question. He was a bartender at an Irish pub for God’s sake, and beer was one of his four major food groups.

  “Oh, I’m sorry,” I said, putting the beer back in the cooler. “I’m not sure we have anything else.”

  I instantly wished Josh would have told us that his girlfriend didn’t drink beer, but maybe he didn’t know.

  “Josh baby, I’d like a glass of wine,” she said abruptly, as she tossed her hair back over her shoulder and set her oversized Gucci tote on the ground. “And can you turn the fan on. It’s really hot out here.”

  My eyebrows shot up into my hairline, and I looked over at Allison to see if I’d heard Kimmy correctly. Allison gave me a look that said, I told you so.

  “Sure, babe,” he said. “Just give me a minute to get these going. I bought the kind of wine you said you liked. Kyle, flip that fan on, will you?”

  This caused my eyebrows to rise yet again. Did he just do whatever she told him to do? And had he actually purchased wine for her? Did we even have wine glasses, or would he serve it to her in a Solo cup?

  A minute later, he went inside and came back out with the answers to my questions. Apparently we now owned wine glasses.

  “Thanks, Josh baby,” Kimmy said, taking the glass and flashing her too white teeth at him.

  My eyes went wide, and Allison started elbowing my upper arm. I looked over at her and made a face. She shook her head and rolled her eyes at Kimmy who sat prissily on the end of her chair in a pink halter top, white capri’s, and four inch sandals, while Josh stood next to her in a black t-shirt, cargo shorts and a backwards baseball hat. He’d foregone shoes altogether. Tthey even looked wrong for each other.

  A few minutes later, I was thankfully distracted when Sean and Cole came outside, because I probably could have continued staring at Kimmy like she was a science experiment all night. She had yet to acknowledge any of us, only talked to Josh, and she just looked uncomfortable. I knew she didn’t want to be there.

  My stomach did a little flip when I caught sight of Cole, and he flashed his winning smile at all of us. He had that sexy surfer look down pat. His longish, blond hair was streaked by the sun, and his eyes were a sexy, hazel color. Add that to his amazing body, and you had a pretty perfect specimen to gaze at.

  I was getting hot just looking at him. I wanted to fan myself, but instead, I took off my scarf and laid it on the table.

  “Thank God,” Josh said, as he took a seat next to Kimmy and took a big swig of his beer. “You finally took that neck brace off.”

  “Oh, ha, ha
. You are the funniest person I’ve ever met, Josh Nolan. You can feel free to bite me at any time.”

  “Like I said, come over here, and I will,” he said, as he raised his eyebrows at me suggestively, and then his expression froze and fell as he realized what he’d just said in front of his girlfriend.

  I snuck a glance at Kimmy to see if she’d noticed and saw that her eyebrows had shot up at his comment, but as soon as my gaze met hers, she eyed me warily for a few seconds before looking back at Josh. It was almost as if she was keeping an eye on him, and I couldn’t really blame her.

  In general, girls always had a hard time dealing with the relationship that Josh and I had, but it sure didn’t help when he openly flirted in front of them. Even if there was nothing behind the flirting, they didn’t know that, and I’d been glared at more times than I cared to count. But it wasn’t the right time to try to explain all that to Kimmy, so I decided I’d just let Josh handle it later. She was his girlfriend, after all.

  Instead of saying anything to her, I turned to Cole and attempted to flirt with him. “Hey Cole,” I squeaked out.

  Yeah, not my best effort, but the fact that he was single was making me tongue-tied. I took a sip of my beer in an effort to level my voice out.

  “How are you?” I tried again, as he reached forward for a handful of Doritos from the bowl in the center of the table.

  “I’m good,” he said, in his sexy, gravelly voice. “How’s everything with you?”

  He popped a chip into his mouth, and I watched his chiseled jaw and smooth throat, mesmerized by the simple act of chewing and swallowing.

  “I’m great,” I finally breathed, as I shifted my gaze to his eyes and his beyond long eyelashes.

  “That’s good to hear,” he said and smiled at me.

  He was a sweet guy to the outside world, but I knew he had a raunchy side that most people didn’t know about, and a part of me really just wanted to drag him upstairs and see just how much fun I could have with him – which was totally out of character for me – but something about Cole made me want to do dark and dangerous things. And I’d heard a variety of stories about him from Josh that had, let’s say, intrigued me.