Searching for Neverland Read online

  “Yeah. You pretended like Tay was your girlfriend when she was giving some guy her number, but even before that you were a real treat. You told her to fuck off.”

  Josh’s eyes went wide, and his face took on a regretful expression as he listened to her go on about everything he’d done.

  “Really?” he asked, looking at me.

  I nodded. “You were in pretty bad shape, my friend.”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be an ass, really.”

  “It’s okay, J,” I said, knowing he did feel really bad. I knew Kimmy’s snub had affected him more than he’d led on.

  “Just don’t do it again, or we won’t invite you out with us,” Allison snapped, obviously not having the same concern for her brother’s feelings. She picked up an old Us Weekly and began to flip through it.

  “I’m really sorry, Tay,” Josh said, ignoring his sister and looking over at me, knowing I was the softer of the two of us. Allison was stubborn and a little unforgiving at times.

  “I know you are. It’s cool.” I shrugged like it was no big deal, even though it was a huge deal because his drunkenness had led to him kissing me. “It happens to all of us. You were wasted. At least you didn’t get sick. I love you, but I would not have cleaned up your puke.”

  “Yeah, true. I guess it’s better that I just passed out when we got home.”

  Huh?

  Did he not remember the kiss? Or was he just pretending not to because it was just as embarrassing for him? Well, if that was his tactic, I was in. I was the queen of avoidance, after all.

  “Yeah. I know,” I agreed.

  From across the room, I could feel Allison’s eyes on me, but I didn’t look at her. She knew all about her brother’s drunken attack on me. I kept my expression placid, as not to alert Josh that anything was amiss, and I hoped Allison would keep her mouth shut too. If we never talked about the kiss, that was fine with me.

  But that also meant I couldn’t bring up what he’d said about O’Donnell’s. Oh well, I didn’t know anything about running a bar anyway. It looked like I was going to have to find another job the old fashioned way.

  * * *

  We decided to have a girls’ night out that night and ended up at Splitsville, which was actually a trendy bowling alley, but their bar area was extensive, they played good music, and it was a good crowd. We never bowled. We just socialized.

  That night we commandeered a table, people-watched, and gossiped about our friends who weren’t with us. It was catty, but it was what we did when Allison, Casey and I got together with my sister, who I finally convinced to come out with us and leave Noah at home. I thought about telling them all about Josh’s kiss, but I didn’t really want anyone else to know. It was better to just pretend it never happened.

  “How’s your guy?” I asked my sister, as she sucked down a Long Island Iced Tea.

  She rolled her eyes. “Irritated, i.e. annoying the shit out of me.”

  “Why?” Allison asked, leaning forward to hear more about Taryn’s train wreck of a relationship.

  Maybe it was genetic, but she had worse taste in guys than I did. Sure, her boyfriends were usually cute, but they were generally losers.

  “He’s in pain. He had surgery on his shoulder two days ago, and now he’s being a giant baby. He’s staying at his parents’ house and letting his mom wait on him hand and foot. I stopped by to see him earlier, and he was being whiney.”

  We all knew the backstory. Noah had injured his shoulder playing football at UNC his senior year. He’d been a pretty good player and had been courted by the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, but then he’d reinjured the same shoulder in a fight at my sister’s sorority formal. He had to have surgery to have it corrected, and then he was planning to rehab it and walk on with the Bucs the following year, if he could. They hadn’t drafted him out of college, but he still kept in touch with them regularly, and they were interested in him if his shoulder didn’t hold him back from playing at the caliber he did in college.

  “Um, so why are you with him?” Casey asked, scrunching up her face in disgust. She had a low tolerance for high maintenance guys.

  “He’s really great in bed,” Taryn sighed, and I almost did a spit-take with my beer.

  “Is it worth all the drama?” Allison asked.

  Taryn shook her head. “Not really, but when he’s giving me multiple orgasms, I sort of just lose sight of everything else.

  “On that note,” I said, not sure I wanted to hear in-depth details about my sister’s sex life. Sure, she was twenty-two, but we were six years apart, and I still had a hard time seeing her as old enough to have casual sex. “Who needs another drink?”

  “I do,” everyone said in unison, so I got up to make a drink run.

  When I was walking back from the bar, I ran right into Alex. I stopped short when I saw him, nearly causing the drinks I was carrying to spill all over both of us. I had not expected to see him out that night.

  “Hey, slow down, Tay,” he said when he saw me. He smiled widely, nearly making me melt.

  Why oh why did he have that effect on me?!

  He took two of the drinks from my hand, so I could steady myself, and I was suddenly thankful that I was a few drinks in at that point. My buzz might help me get through a conversation with him without sounding like a total idiot.

  “Thanks,” I said, eyeing him warily. He looked really, really good.

  “Are you having a good time?” he asked, his tone all butter.

  “Sure,” I said, flashing him my best smile. “You?”

  “Better now,” he said, and I felt my stomach flip. “Who are you here with?”

  “Um, Allison, my sister, and my friend, Casey. You don’t know her.” I gestured to where our table was located and could see Allison and Taryn eyeing me with looks of distaste on their faces. “I guess I should get back over there.”

  I knew I was in for an earful from my best friend and my sister as soon as I returned to our table.

  “I’ll go with you,” Alex said, surprising me. “I’d like to say hi to Allison.”

  Allison sure as hell didn’t want to say hi to him, but I didn’t say as much.

  “Okay,” I said, as he began to follow me back to our table in the middle of the bar.

  I handed Allison and Taryn their drinks and set Casey’s on the table. She was over talking to some guys. She could get it when she returned. I wasn’t chasing her down.

  “Alex,” my sister said, standing up and facing him down with a sneer on her face.

  “Hi Taryn,” he said warmly, but she just glared at him.

  “Great, you’re back. Fucking awesome.”

  “It’s good to see you too,” Alex responded. “Not as good as it is to see your sister, but you know how it is.”

  “Just don’t be a dick to her this time,” Taryn sneered.

  I felt a strange urge to press my lips together to keep from laughing and chastise my sister at the same time. She completely meant well, but I didn’t want her to be rude to Alex, regardless of how bad he’d hurt me the last time – and the time before that. But then again, he had hurt me – twice – so her comment wasn’t unjustified.

  “That’s a little harsh, even for you, Taryn,” Alex said curtly. He and my sister had always bickered, but this was more than that.

  She laughed a non-humorous laugh. “Yeah, I don’t think it is. I’m going to call Noah. I’ll be back when jerkface is gone.”

  With that she stalked off, and I knew she’d be back to yell at me after Alex left.

  “Hey, Allison. How are you?” Alex asked, turning his attention to Allison and sounding perfectly nice, but I knew I couldn’t count on Allison to reciprocate. She and Taryn shared a brain when it came to Alex, but she wouldn’t be as brash as my sister.

  “What’s up Ex,” she said, smirking slightly.

  Yup, she was definitely more passive aggressive, and she was loving that she could use her old nickname for Alex. She’d called him that after w
e’d broken up the first time as a joke but had kept using it after we’d gotten back together. I didn’t think he truly understood what the nickname meant.

  I shot her a warning look that she ignored.

  Casey sauntered over at that moment, sensing fresh meat. She immediately gave Alex her flirty smile as she took her drink from the table.

  “Who’s your new friend, Taylor?” she asked, keeping her voice light and airy, just in case I wasn’t interested in Alex. Yeah, not likely.

  “Hi, I’m Alex,” he said, sticking his hand out to her. I watched his eyes rake up and down Casey’s banging body, as she shook his hand and looked at me in wonder.

  I wanted to yell at him to stop looking at her like that. He was only supposed to look at me like he wanted to devour me, not my hot friends.

  “Oh, so you’re the famous Alex. Nice to finally meet you.”

  “Nice, Case. Real smooth,” I muttered so only she could hear.

  She smiled at Alex. “Be nice to her,” she said before she turned and walked over to Allison, leaving me alone with my ex-boyfriend.

  “So I take it that your friends aren’t very fond of me. What have you been telling them?”

  I decided to throw all my cards on the table with him. “That you’re a jerk who broke my heart,” I said, confidently. “In a nutshell.”

  “Do you really think that?”

  I stared at him in bewilderment. “Come on, Alex. We both know what happened. You dumped me. I didn’t want to break up. It sucked, I vented to my friends, they weren’t very happy with you. Either way, it’s ancient history. I’m over it.”

  Okay, so technically, I was lying, but that was neither here or there.

  “Ouch,” he said, looking like he really hadn’t realized how much he’d hurt me. “And you’re really over it?” He took a sip of what I knew was Crown and Coke and looked pointedly at me.

  “The break-up? Yeah. It was years ago.” I shrugged. He didn’t need to know how I really felt.

  “What about me?”

  “What about you?” I asked coldly.

  He took a step closer to me, so his face was just inches from mine. “I mean, are you over me?” he asked, his voice a breathy whisper. “Do I have a chance?”

  Aww hell.

  I just stared at him in an attempt to focus on not passing out. He’d said it. He’d thrown it out there. A full minute passed, and I didn’t respond. I couldn’t. My brain was fighting with my heart, and I knew I wanted to tell him he had every chance in the world, but deep down, I knew it was dangerous to go back down that road with him. Who’s to say he wouldn’t break my heart a third time?

  “Think about it, and let me know,” he said, leaning forward to kiss me on the cheek. “I’ll see you at school.”

  With that, he walked away, rendering me completely speechless, as I just stared at him as he walked crossed the bar to where his friends were.

  Allison was at my side in a matter of seconds. “Close your mouth,” she instructed.

  I did, having not even realized it was hanging open, and turned to face her.

  “What did he say?” she asked, obviously thinking he’d said something shitty.

  I bit my lip, not wanting to tell her. I knew she would chastise me at length.

  “He asked me if he could have another chance,” I said, deciding to just cut my losses and come clean.

  I was still reeling in complete disbelief that he’d said it and was pretty sure of my answer at that point. Allison also knew what it was without me even telling her.

  She sighed. “You told him yes, didn’t you?”

  “No, I didn’t tell him anything,” I defended, even though she was right to assume I’d say that. “He said to let him know.”

  “Wow, Tay, that’s just great,” she said sarcastically. “Now you can get back together with him, and he can be an asshole all over again!”

  I narrowed my eyes at her. “Yeah, well, I think it is pretty great,” I said, defending my position. “Al, I know you don’t like him much–”

  “Because he hurt you!” she said loud enough for the people around us to turn and stare.

  “I know, but I still love him,” I said quietly. It was literally as simple as that. Alex had a piece of my heart that I’d never gotten back. I belonged with him, and I knew it.

  “I know you do,” she said, putting her arm around me. “I’m sorry I yelled. I just know what he put you through, and I don’t want to see you hurt again. I love you too much.”

  “I know you do, sweetie,” I said, leaning my head against hers. “The thing is, he seems different – more mature maybe. I don’t know. All I know is that if I don’t pursue this, if I don’t give him another chance, I’ll always regret it. Do you know what I mean?”

  She nodded.

  “Then go for it,” she said. “I’ll support you no matter what. You know that, right?”

  “Yeah, I do.”

  “But, you need to know that if he hurts you, I will kick his ass.” I laughed. “Oh, you think I’m joking,” she said, looking miffed. “You just wait and see.”

  She crossed her arms in front of her. I was still laughing.

  “Okay, Al. I’ll be sure to warn him,” I said, shaking my head.

  Her gaze drifted over my right shoulder.

  “Cole’s here,” she said then.

  “Hmm?” I asked, looking up at her in confusion.

  “Cole,” she said, raising her eyebrows. “He just walked in.”

  “Oh,” I looked over to where Casey was greeting Cole, Sean, and some guy with shoulder length blond hair that I didn’t recognize. Cole must have seen me staring, because he looked up and smiled at me. Damn, he was cute. I looked back to where Alex had gone to join his friends.

  “He just left,” Allison said.

  I looked back at her.

  She raised her eyebrows in emphasis. “Alex. He and his friends just left.”

  “Oh.”

  I was a woman of very few words at that point. I looked at Allison for guidance.

  “Go talk to Cole,” she said. “You’re not committed to Alex – at the moment – so it doesn’t hurt to just talk to him.”

  I nodded, still feeling a little dazed by everything. Allison sensed this and linked her arm with mine. Together we walked over to our friends.

  “Hey cutie,” Cole said, giving me a hug that instantly relaxed me. I temporarily forgot about Alex, as I stared up at Cole’s incredible dimples.

  “How are you,” I asked him.

  “Good, good,” he said, running his hand through his longish blond hair. “I didn’t know you girls would be here tonight. I need a drink.” He looked around until his eyes found the bar and then turned back to me. “Do you want anything?”

  “I’m good for a while,” I said, holding my full beer up to show him that I was okay.

  “Alright, well, I’ll be at the bar,” he said, and then turned to the blond guy. “Haden, you want to come with me?”

  The guy nodded and started to follow Cole.

  “Okay, bye. See you later,” I said quietly after they were out of earshot.

  Cole seemed to be nice enough, but it seemed like he just wasn’t interested. But, no matter, Alex was back, so it was probably better for me not to focus on another guy when I wasn’t going to end up with him. Alex was who I wanted.

  “Oh, no,” I heard Allison say beside me.

  “What?” I looked up at her, and then followed her gaze to the entrance of the bar.

  I quickly found what had made her look like she’d tasted something sour. Josh and Kimmy were walking in, and they were holding hands. Now, granted I’d seen them doing more than holding hands on Wednesday night when Cole and I went out with them, but for some reason, now it made me uncomfortable, and I wasn’t quite sure why that was.

  I could see Josh scanning the bar for us, as Kimmy stood beside him looking disinterested. She probably wasn’t overly excited to be hanging out with us again.

&
nbsp; Josh spotted us and waved. Then he said something to Kimmy which made her turn and look in our direction. She made a face that confirmed what I had originally thought, whispered something to Josh, and turned to walk toward the bar. Josh sauntered over to the table where we were congregated.

  “Hey guys. How are ya’ll doing,” he said, which made me start to giggle.

  Southern Josh anytime was funny, but Southern Josh when I’d had a few was hilarious for some reason. It seemed he had already had a few, as well, as his accent was more prominent than it had been that afternoon. Apparently he’d taken the hair of the dog route to kill his hangover.

  Josh grabbed me around the waist and pulled me into a hug. “What is so funny?” he asked playfully, smiling down at me the whole time. His scent pulled me back to a more sober reality, as I realized just how good he smelled.

  “Sorry,” I giggled. “Sorry. It’s nothing. You smell really good by the way. What are you wearing?”

  He gave me a funny look. “Nothing.”

  I swallowed hard, our kiss from the night before coming back to me.

  “Well, I guess you just naturally smell good,” I said, feeling my face flush. Talk about an awkward comment.

  “Thanks,” he said, ignoring the fact that I’d just unintentionally flirted with him. “You look really hot tonight.”

  And apparently he was flirting too.

  “What’s the occasion? You didn’t do this for Cole, did you?” he asked, his arms still looped around my waist as he looked back at the bar where Cole was engrossed in a conversation with the blond guy, Haden, and Kimmy.

  “No, well, yes, but not anymore,” I said, feeling like that didn’t make any sense. I knew there was a chance I’d see Cole that night, so I’d dressed up. “I’m not really sure he’s the right guy for me.”

  “Really,” Josh questioned, his eyebrows rising slightly as he probably thought I’d taken his advice. “What caused this change of heart?”

  I sighed. “I ran into Alex tonight.”

  “Ahh, I see. And what did good old Ex say this time?”

  “Do not call him that.”

  Usually Josh refrained from using Allison’s favorite nickname for Alex, but tonight he didn’t seem to be holding back.